AOL was just Facebook without selfies. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) July 06, 2013

RT @briangaar: I've been a journalist for 15 years and I can assure you that every TV reporter is an idiot Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) July 06, 2013

The "it's always five o'clock somewhere" guy realizes slowly that it's also always 8 a.m. somewhere. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) July 06, 2013

I'm sure I don't know. There are a few possibilities available in our culture. Many people believe in a personification. Even those who acknowledge God as a being greater than ourselves sometimes do so via personification -- He is greater than us: capitalizing that pronoun especially calls attention to God's personhood, his Lordship over us, his ma

The top story here today in Texas is "college football." Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) July 05, 2013

"YOU KIDS STOP PLAYING GRAB-ASS ON MY LAWN!" Buffalo Bills practice squad hangs their heads and gets on their bikes to go home. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) July 05, 2013

I will be performing 5 minutes of jokes at this thing, after which three people will judge me publicly at my expense. Nobody wants life to work like this but sometimes it does, kids. It's $10 but the beer is "a word that sounds like FREE but would be legal to say in the state of Texas where it's against the law to advertise free beer."

RT @gknauss: Plane crash at SFO. http://t.co/iUCvYdXn35 Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) July 06, 2013

1998 called. It wants this joke format back. Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) July 06, 2013

Dr. Pepper is my anti-drug. **FILL MY SUPERSOAKER WITH DR PEPPER AND SQUIRT ALL YOUR COCAINE OFF MY COFFEE TABLE** Chris Magyar (@chrisjmagyar) July 05, 2013